I’ve been a black belt for over a year now, and sadly, most of the perks I was looking forward to have not come to pass:

1. You’ll be able to shape shift.

2. People will fall down just because you look at them.

3. Juniors have to wash your car.

4. Sankajo won’t hurt.

5. Your belt will tie itself.

6. Juniors have to pay for your beer.

7. You’ll be fluent in Japanese.

8. Sensei won’t correct you anymore.

9. You’ll get AirMiles for all your breakfalls.

10. You won’t have to get up early on Saturdays.